An Ununique Sorrow; Musings of a woman who did not have a choice

You don’t know it but I’m sorry.
I’m not sorry for the things I did wrong,
I’m sorry for that which I must do.
I don’t know if you have any idea how difficult it is,
How very hard it is, for me to say this to you.
I don’t know if you’ll ever fully appreciate
How profoundly our parting has affected me.
Mine is not such a unique pain,
But ours was a unique paring,
So in that I feel gratified.
I don’t regret a single moment we spent together
You were exactly what I wanted.
I had never considered the consequences of forever
Until the day I decided I wanted to spend forever with you.
I wish you had been taken from me
That you had not been given the choice
Because nothing is more damning
Than knowing that the person with whom I saw a future...
A lifetime of…something...
Saw nothing in me.
There is not one part of me that does not feel your loss
And there is not one part of me that is not yours.
And though it was your choice to leave
It is mine to grieve.
So I’ll turn myself to stone,
Burn myself up,
Break myself down
And forget that I wanted to spend my life with you
Because to remember is too great a burden for me to bear.
And every moment from here until eternity
Will be spent remembering a child we never had
And a future we never made,
And a love you let go,
And you won’t know it…
And for that I am so very sorry.