I can see the whole of infinity... but I can't see you.

She's ballsy, I like that. Though, I can't say I wouldn't do the same in her position. She wants to make sure that I know that it's completely over and she gets to fuck him now.

I'm upset.

I'm upset because I know he doesn't care about me. Not as a friend, not with any kind of respect for what we had, and he certainly doesn't hold any of that basic human respect he claims to be so full of.

My feelings are completely selfish. I want him to be more upset about losing me. I want him to languish in his own pain, not trotting off to Cadiz with that pig-faced slag.

And what's worse is that I know that if he loves her, no woman will ever be as beautiful as she is in his eyes.

I'm not upset or hurt because I don't want him to have happily ever after....

I'm upset and hurt because he was MY happily ever after. Everyone goes on and on about perfect love and that love you'd move the stars for, and love that spans oceans and time, and I FUCKING HAD THAT.

I had that and he decided he'd rather be with that pigfaced creature, whose only crime is being with the man that I loved.

And I really have nothing to say because within two weeks of coming back from Spain I was fucking someone else. To be fair, this someone else is my ex, my "Mister Big" if such a thing exists, and with "Clark" and I it's never just fucking, and I know that completely destroys my entire argument and I don't care.

I don't care because even though I'm sleeping with someone else, he's going on holiday with someone else, and he's spending all his extra time with someone else, and while I'm terrified of letting myself have feelings for anyone because of what he did to me, he gets to move on and not care and for that I kind of hate him.

Thinking about this makes me want to do things to myself I gave up a long time ago.
Thinking about this makes me want to break a promise I made to someone who means more to me than he ever did.
Thinking about how much pain he's still causing me without even doing anything but moving on makes me want...