Communication

Contrary to what most people believe, there are actually three types of communication. There are the two you already know, the verbal and the physical, and then there is the emotional. This kind of interaction is constantly being referred to as the non-verbal part of communication, like touching or making eye contact etc, but it actually has everything to do with tone of voice, actual topics of conversation being broached, and the inevitable syncing of the minds that comes from it. By no means is it not heavily dependent upon the verbal parts of communication (IE: Saying what you mean or not what you mean, blah blah) or the physical (IE: touching, holding hands, etc) but it is markedly different from either of those two things. Verbal communication has everything to do with what's being said, the actual words you're speaking. Emotional connection comes from the tones of voice used, and whether or not you're believable in what you're saying. Then, intimacy is established through body language. True intimacy (and Oxtocin, the bane of my existence) is established by creating warmth in your voice, openness in your body language, and love in your eyes. All of these are very easily faked if you know how.

My favorite show in the world is The Pickup Artist. Why, you ask? Why would an interesting-looking 20-something like a show that shows men how to pick up women that are sooooo out of their leagues, just to elevate their social status and make themselves feel better about their mediocre looks? Because it shows us how easily people can be manipulated into feeling something out of ONE social interaction. It also makes it easier to sort out who's after sex and who's after a relationship. If he touches your arm, holds your hand, and looks deeply into your eyes on the first or second date, with no previous relationship to back up these feelings (you didn't know each other and weren't friends first) then he's only after your sexy self. IF he does any of these things by the third or fourth date, then he's probably a keeper. This philosophy has never done me wrong, when I've listened to it.

When I haven't listened to it I've found myself in situations like the one mentioned in my previous post. Big be damned, love be damned, I'm tired of trying to connect with people that just aren't my intellectual, social or emotional equals. Maybe if I had more confidence and was less insecure I wouldn't let myself be taken for a ride by people who pretend to matter.

And he did matter.
More than even he knew.

Too bad for him.