Insomnia does funny things to me. I'm of the opinion that one can get the best writing done while wakeful at silly times at night, but most people find this compulsion I have rather... frustrating. It isn't that I like to sleep during the day, but more that I can't sleep at night. Sleeping at night is like wasted time. I can't stand the thought of wasting time. Night is when good things happen. We dance, we drink, we fuck, and we hope for something better at night. Daytime is for work and truth and all the things that we're trying to hide from. Daytime is when we have to attempt to communicate on a meaningful level with people in order to be considered social and pleasant. At night no one cares if you're inarticulate or aloof.
I've often found that despite all the foolish pretensions we live by, there are few basic connections upon which we build our relationships. Usually it comes down to whether or not you speak the same language, if you're of similar social background, and whether or not you have the same goals. Maybe you can find some wiggle room on one of those factors, but there are very few relationships built without these foundations. I'm told it's called compatibility. I call it bullshit.
I have this friend, one of my very best in the world as it happens, and he's convinced himself that he'll never be in another romantic relationship because he can't find someone who thinks the way he does. He's convinced himself that there's something completely different about his brain that makes him stand apart from his fellow man, and that makes it impossible for him to find someone with whom he can devote himself. I don't know how much of that is just his overly high opinion of himself or how much of it comes from a desire to isolate himself for fear of being hurt. His psychological profile, if such a thing exists, speaks of a highly logical mind that is easily frustrated and bored. (I really must go on and finish reading the DSM IV, it makes me feel much cleverer than the psych majors who used to scorn me.)
Anyway, I'm pretty sure his whole mentality toward relationships is completely wrong. I'm absolutely positive my whole mentality on relationships is completely wrong, but knowing that has only made me more certain that he's fairly wrong too. I don't really want to spend my time with someone who thinks like me... that sounds terrible. Why would I want to spend my whole life in my own head and then, when I'm not working through my own internal monologue, dealing with someone else with the same perspective? Of course, at our core we all have the same perspective: "I'm different! No one but me is as special as I am."
It's that whole Western world-conqueror thing... What can you do?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment